Whoof. These Are Thoughtful.

I was Googling "deep questions" the other day in the hopes it would get me thinking about the novel I'm going to write in November.

I found this set. I answered them. And I have an idea for my novel.

Feel free to answer these questions yourself, when/if you have the time or interest. These were really good things to dwell on.
I discovered a lot about my own personal character through these questions. It may be just me, but lately I've seen myself be really crazy, rushed, and hyper (...my band self, really) rather than compassionate and kind and introspective.

But read this. And potentially copy/paste, if you want.

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1. Why not me?
We're not meant to do absolutely everything well. For example, do I wish I could be more involved in Creative Writing Club? Yes I do. Do I wish I made the FOCUS staff? Yes I do. But I am unable to hold an Editorial position in CWC and am not on the FOCUS staff because I am supposed to be devoting more of my time and energy somewhere else. And my life is soon to be beyond high school (thank GOD)...and who knows what kind of things will happen then?

2. Am I nice?
I like to think I am. But I've heard myself think, and I know for a fact that some of the things I've thought have been anything BUT nice.

3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
Well, I'm making music. I write whenever I'm inspired. I laugh every day. I surround myself with good people. I'm working towards my college education for next year. So I guess I am doing all that I want to do at this point in my life.

4. What am I grateful for?
I am grateful for love and passion, vim and vigor. If I didn't have those two things in my life, I would not be able to appreciate life or have any desire to wake up in the morning.

5. What’s missing in my life?
Self-assurance. I am constantly wondering if I have any place in the lives of the people I hold dearest. I try to tell myself that, even though I may doubt it a lot, I AM loved and valued in my own little ways. And I don't need people to tell me that.

6. Am I honest?
Yes. Especially when I write.

7. Do I listen to others?
Yes. I like to listen to others more than myself, sometimes.

8. Do I work hard?
In some areas of my life.

9. Do I help others?
I try to.

10. What do I need to change about myself?
I need to change my outlook of myself in other people's lives. I have no sense of self-worth, especially at my worst. I always wonder if I've ever impacted another life positively (or negatively). I always wonder what role I could be playing.

11. Have I hurt others?
Yes, I have. And it hurt me.

12. Do I complain?
Not as much as others, because I hate it when people complain. But I do let out a little whine every now and then.

13. What’s next for me?
Currently, some hardcore sleep. But in general...who knows. That's the fun part. :)

14. Do I have fun?
Yes I do. I try, anyway. Life has to be fun.

15. Have I seized opportunities?
Oh yes. Many many opportunities. And I have yet to regret a single one.

16. Do I care about others?
Probably more than what's necessary.

17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
Lately, I have not. And it bothers me. I've been so busy with Marching Band, and after Marching Band I'll be busy with the fall play for a couple of weeks. But after that I look forward to having some down time with them.

18. Am I open-minded?
Probably to the point of being a little obnoxious about it.

19. Have I seen enough of the world?
Not nearly enough. I still have to go to New Zealand and Australia.

20. Do I judge others?
Initially, like everyone else. But I try to look past initial judgments.

21. Do I take risks?
More than some people I know. But not nearly enough. That will soon change.

22. What is my purpose?
I have yet to answer that.

23. What is my biggest fear?
Not living an enthusiastic life.

24. How can I conquer that fear?
Keep on living enthusiastically as much as I can.

25. Do I thank people enough?
I try to thank people a lot. But still I feel like it's never enough.

26. Am I successful?
Relatively speaking. It's still a little early, though, to be asking that.

27. What am I ashamed of?
Being too hard on myself when it isn't necessary.

28. Do I annoy others?
I'm not sure. I probably do, sometimes, to people that I don't know.

29. What are my dreams?
Extremely varied. I've had premonitional dreams, and the weird dream I had last night that made no sense.

30. Am I positive?
Very much so. I try to be sunshine-y and progressive.

31. Am I negative?
Only towards myself, sometimes.

32. Is there an afterlife?
Yep!

33. Does everything happen for a reason?
Yes.

34. What can I do to change the world?
Keep on doing what I do best. And keep my head up with my feet on the ground.

35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?
Define "foolish"...

36. Am I cheap?
Ehh. Probably. I make all the cards I give to people. Haha!

37. Am I greedy?
I try not to be.

38. Who do I love?
You, whom I have tagged in my FB note. And a few others that were not. And someone I have not met yet, whoever he/she may be.

39. Who do I want to meet?
Someone that likes all aspects of me. Someone that can tolerate my writing.

40. Where do I want to go?
Out into the wild blue yonder.

41. What am I most proud of?
Being true to myself intensely, and I'm proud of all of my friends for some reason or another.

42. Do I care what others think about me?
Everyone does, to a certain extent. I do sometimes, but to be honest, as I've gotten older I've cared less and less.

43. What are my talents?
Love. Music. Writing. Memory. Honesty. Drawing.

44. Do I utilize those talents?
Constantly.

45. What makes me happy?
Everything mentioned in #43. My friends. Family. Exploring. Life.

46. What makes me sad?
Negativity.

47. What makes me angry?
Shallow-mindedness.

48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
For the most part. I like my unique features.

49. Am I healthy?
Pretty much.


50. What was the toughest time in my life?
Sixth grade, sophomore year as a whole.

51. What was the easiest time in my life?
Fifth grade. That was a pretty cool year.

52. Am I selfish?
I try not to be.

53. What was the craziest thing I did?
Whoof. I don't think I've lived enough to think of that one.

54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
Shave my head for cancer awareness. Which I am going to do in March. :)

55. Do I procrastinate?
Yes...for some things...

56. What is my greatest regret?
I don't regret things. I learn from them.

57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
Music has a great impact on my life. Writing does, too. Witnessing the struggles and triumphs of those I love is also something else that makes an impact...that actually correlates with my writing.

58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
Thus far, a lot of people have had an impact on my life in some form or another.
Sascha Nolan Simpson, Andy Sturm, Taylor Peters, my mother, Seth Worland, Mr Wall, Miss Sheehan, Ortwein.
And I'm sure there are others that have made little impacts, too.

59. Do I stand up for myself?
If I am being challenged.

60. Have I settled for mediocrity?
I never settle for mediocrity.

61. Do I hold grudges?
No. At least, I try not to.

62. Do I read enough?
No. I remember when I was little, I was that bookworm that read in the car, in restaurants, in church. Now I have so much assigned reading that I hardly have time to read for enjoyment.

63. Do I listen to my heart?
Yes. And my gut.

64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?
I don't really donate with money. But I go on trips with Habitat for Humanity - does that count?

65. Do I pray only when I want something?
No - I pray when I'm asked to pray, and when I'm thankful.

66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
I try not to. My future's more exciting to look at.

67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
I tend to make my friends' problems become my own. I worry about them. But when it comes to general pessimism and all of that...it annoys me, but I try to ignore it.

68. Do I forgive myself?
Not easily. There - I said it.

69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
No.

70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
Yes. That keeps me in check when I think my life is rough.

71. Do I smile more than I frown?
I try to. I laugh a lot.

72. Do I surround myself with good people?

I believe I said this somewhere in here. And when I say I DO surround myself with good people, I don't mean "obedient" or "novel" people.

These people are imperfect. One has hurt me a lot in the past...I'm still sorry for the most recent complication. One has a (beautiful) daughter. One wants to go off to college with me. One lives in Maryland. One has long hair (for a guy) and wears a different hat every year.

I mean, they're not all honor roll students, they've made mistakes, and they're living life to the best of their ability with a dream in mind, trying to figure out who they are. I love these people with all of my heart. Even if I don't remain this close with each and every one of them in the future, they will forever remain in my memory. And if you know me, you know how good my memory is.

73. Do I take time out for myself?
Not nearly enough.

74. Do I ask enough questions?
No - I only scratch at the surface.

75. What other questions do I have?
Well, let's find out.