FridaySaturday.

I hate being a woman almost as much as I love being one.

I just gotta write about what I feel right now. This weekend has been one of extremes - extreme joy, and extreme sadness (well, at least it's extreme compared to how I USUALLY get about that sort of thing).

Let's get the bad part over with. I want to get to the joy and ramble on and on about that.

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I went to Whiteland again yesterday.
Notre Dame vs Michigan State.

There are truly no words. It's one of those games that you have to process what happened because it happened so quickly.

Dave was drunk off his ass, so he missed practically three-quarters of the game. When Caleb and I were done being designated drivers, he put on his Irish jersey and conked out on the sofa.
Ryan was drunk off his ass, too. But at least he stayed in the garage with Caleb and me and watched the rest of the game in its tense entirety.

After Caleb and I dropped Ryan off at his house, we both sat in the car in stone-cold silence.
But I found myself chuckling a little. Me - having been gone from the jocky nature of my youth for seven-ish years - being upset over a football game? Yes, it was Notre Dame and yes, it was a very intense game...but seriously?

Man. In the words of Caleb Tucker:
I hate everything about Michigan.

But, because I'm silly and because I'm me, I CAN find something good out of last night that kind of segues into the happy part of this blog.

It was so funny, on the ride home yesterday, Caleb Tucker said to me, "You're so into this. I can't imagine what this loss feels on a newcomer such as yourself. What are your feelings right now? Are you going to blog about this?"

I love Caleb Tucker. Being with him always makes me feel happy, no matter what.

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Okay. Now for the happiness!!

ANDY'S DAUGHTER IS HERE!!

Lilyana Isabelle Sturm was born on Friday, September 17, at 12:30 pm. After having some difficulty breathing, she's currently doing fine. Andy's kept me updated. I sometimes think I'm worrying too much - I've texted him once every day since he went to the hospital Thursday night, asking him how she's doing.

From the pictures I've seen of her, she's absolutely beautiful.
But hey, what else was I expecting, really?
She has a little bit of my best friend in her. Half of his heart - his beautiful heart - is hers.

Today, he got to hold her.
That picture of him holding her in his arms, her tiny little hand wrapped around his finger makes me cry.
Because it's amazing.

Now, this part is hard for me to write...but these emotions have never gone beyond my head and my heart. Never gone out of my mouth...because I knew that they could hurt. It hurt me to even think about it.

In the month of June, from what I had witnessed on his blog and Twitter, I almost let myself think that Andy was not going to be there for the birth.
Yes, I know it was ridiculous. And yes, I know that it was very heartless and mean for what I typically think and say.

But I just read his blog...those entries that made me physically sick...and it was very hard for me to tell myself that Andy had what it took to be there when the time came.
Because, as his blog made me percieve him to be, he had become someone that I did not recognize, like very much, or even love like I thought I did.

But he came to my house after I returned home from Washington DC, and he and I talked in person about absolutely everything...and he and I and a few other friends went bowling with us...and I began to have faith in him again.
He told me, "Something has to change, and that something is me. When I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. I'm tired of letting you down, and I'm tired of letting other people down."

And I know I'll never forget that Thursday he texted me, saying that he was on his way to the hospital because Natalie was going into labor soon. I remember how scared he was...asking me to pray.
I got that text during band practice. After I got that text...let's just say that my mind was not on the field, or my drum.

I felt scared and excited for him...but while I was praying, I found myself saying "Thank you."
Because Andy proved me wrong. He has a tendency to do that, but this time it was something that I'll never forget.

He was there.
He was there when Natalie needed his coaching (and his hand...), and he was there when his daughter was born. There are pictures, therefore it happened.
He was there.

Deep down, because I believe I know Andy that well, I knew that he was going to fall in love with her the minute he saw her...and melt when he finally got to touch her with his finger, her hand gripping it tightly.
And he did. He loves her more than he'll ever be able to fathom.

However, on my end of the spectrum, it's very odd.
You see...I love her. I love this little girl. I took a picture of the picture on Facebook using my phone. And every time I look at it, it makes my heart feel a certain way that I can't really describe - I have never felt that sort of love before in my life, ever.
Is it bad that I love her? When she's not mine in any shape or form?

I asked this to Abbie on Friday night, and she said, "No, of course not. She's the daughter of a friend you love very much. Of course you would love her."

I still don't know. I probably never will.
But it's amazing. It is my hope that I'll be able to watch her grow up. The coolest part is that whole process of discovering who she is - what she likes to do, what music she'll listen to (or potentially play!!), what makes her laugh, how she'll do her hair.

But I digress.
Happiness from this weekend was indescribable happiness for my best friend.

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That is all.

I love you.