Apparently, there's a study out there that states that we pick our partners because they have traits of our parents. For example, girls pick partners that resemble their father (personality, not appearance), and guys pick partners that resemble their mother (personality, not appearance).
It's not purposefully done - it's what we're subconciously drawn to because it's what we're comfortable with.
My mother said that if somebody told her that back when she started dating seriously, she would've taken an entirely new approach to it - and maybe her pattern of doomed relationships would've been different.
Now, I'll tell you this right now: I'm single, and I've been single ever since November of 2007. I've liked guys few and far between...for legitimately good, deep reasons as well as the stupid little crushes that had no substance.
But as of today, disregarding my relationship status, I have three important men in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything.
So when I found out about this study, I decided to take a mental peek at these fine gents to see if I caught a glimpse of my father in them.
But before I go into that, I need to tell you about my father.
Anybody that knows me well knows that he and I are not like my mother and I are. While he and I can have a fun evening together, we are not close. I do not share secrets with him, nor do I share any difficult information. It's hard to describe, and I don't want to exploit him on this blog and litter it with negativity.
I wish it was different - I remember when I was little and I was your typical Daddy's Girl. We went to breakfast and I'd want to sit at the counter so I could sit in the swingy chairs and watch the kitchen activity. We'd go to the zoo or the children's museum on Sundays. I'd wake him up to go to work, and take me to my grandparent's house before school. I remember how he and I played catch in the back yard, and how he coached my baseball team the first time I played at the Y. I remember how he'd snuggle with me before I went to sleep, and how I'd get up in the middle of the night to crawl into his huge king-size bed with sheets that were always cool and crisp. I remember me asking him to teach me how to shave my face - just in case I'd ever grow a beard. I remember the night he came home after being hypnotized to stop smoking.
I don't remember exactly when or how he and I had our falling-out. But it's gone so far now that I don't know if I should try. I just don't see him in the way I used to.
But anyway. Back to my mental analyzation. Remember - it's about personality, not appearance. Did my coveted men resemble my dad's personality even by just a margin?
Seth Worland.
Seth is opinionated - he is NEVER afraid to say what he feels about a certain person or subject. He hides his true feelings with anger. He texts just to text and see your name pop up - it's always "I'm bored", "I'm hungry", "I have to pee", "meh". He is wicked smart, but hides it. He whines, and he'll admit it. He loves Magic, and Pokemon. I have listened to him cry over the phone, and he has listened to me cry in that same conversation. He is the ex of one of my best friends, and that created more negativity than either of us wanted. He is a terrible driver...and yet, I still drive with him because I trust he won't kill me (yet). He's got a snarky, witty sense of humor. When he loves you, he's protective - but I have yet to see this quality in a negative light.
Caleb Tucker.
Caleb tries to hide his softie-ness. However, he is not afraid to say "I love you" or call you "darling" or kiss your cheek. He is always slapping his invisible bass, aka his stomach. His hair was once longer than mine two times over (now it's just only a few inches shorter). I just learned that he has a fake tooth, even though he has the best teeth ever otherwise. He does not like to wear his boxers in front of people. He just started to write. At the present time, he is so heartbroken it's making my own heart hurt a little. He held my hand when I visited him in the hospital after two days of worrying where he was and if he was okay. His hugs are all you need to feel a little better. When he loves, he falls head over heels for you.
Andy Sturm.
Andy is fearless...until you get to know him - then you see just the opposite. But even though he has fear in his heart (with good reason), he is not a coward. He is a child at heart, always playful. He jumps into things head first. He has made some of the worst mistakes you could ever make at his age. He is one of few people whom I am not afraid to look in the eye - in fact, I love looking into his eyes when I talk because he looks right back into mine. When he loves you, he grows soft from the inside out and he becomes so honest about his feelings you almost want to say it's cheesy, but it's the best thing ever. I've tried to rid him from my life more times than I can count, but it never works - he always comes back wanting me there, and even though I don't know half of what's going on in his life right now, I try to be there for him as much as he allows me to be.
My dad.
Dad is socially awkward. He says he's fine with his life where it is, but I see right through it when he tells me about these dreams he has that I know are next to impossible for him to reach. He is not the most responsible person with money (how ironic - he used to work at a bank!). He does not have a good memory, and he has no sense of schedule or order. He is playful and always cracking jokes on good days. He is EXTREMELY passive-aggressive...that's the thing I dislike the most about him, because I never know exactly how to fight back when he fires. He is having a rather difficult time dealing with the fact that I will soon be eighteen years old and therefore legal on most terms. To put it simply...he's a tormented soul that I simply don't know what to make of.
I remember how controlling Josh (my ex-boyfriend) was. I remember how he didn't like me visiting other people. I remember how it all kind of came together near the end...late in the game.
I remember telling my friend Taylor, "I don't like the way Josh is acting - he's acting like my dad."
I, of course, looked at the positive qualities of my father first, to compare to my three favorite men. The only thing I could really match up was the goofy quality all of them share - different levels and different types of goofyness, but laughs all the same.
As much as I tried, I couldn't find the negative qualities to match. That was kind of difficult, because I've very rarely seen these people angry. I'm not sure whether to be proud of that or relieved or a little worried - I don't want these men to be afraid to be angry either in front of me or AT me. I can take it. And I don't mind seeing their uglyness - I want to know them 100%
It is July 17, 2010. I will be eighteen in ten days. I expect to jump into a new kind of light when it comes to dating in the upcoming year. I will be looked at in a new way, I will date in a way that's NOT high school (thank God), and sexually speaking...who knows? You know what I mean? I'll be ready - I'm getting myself on birth control soon.
And now that I've got this to kickstart it off with...I'm ready to take on this crazy dating business. Bring it on, gentlemen.
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